My points
A.I interesting computer
--1.like playing computer gamea.play card gameb.role playing game
--2.like assembling the computer
--3.like operating easy software
B.my dream become rich man
--1.build like "Microsoft" company
--Just only like play computer, so I become Computer Engeer way.When I was a teenager,I liked playing computer game everyday,such as computer card game,role palying game.There are really exciting!!Someday, I find computer game's bug that is more powerful, I win computer every time.I want to know computer how to work.I taked apart a computer.I started to read books to find computer's function and use web site find computer how to work.Suddenly,computer was not working.I try to find computer's error and fix it.Finally I succeed it .Also,I try to assembling the computer and understand computer's knowledge.For example, what board CPU difference between AMD and Pentium?How many memory let computer run faster? How to install operate software?
--I interesting computer not only play computer games but also play computer software.Bill Gates who is the richest man in the world,he build Microsoft's kingdom.He craet WINDOW operate software and become a rich man.I admire Bill Gates because he let computer easy operate for everyone and doing something fast and convenient in our life. I want to be like bill Gates earn a lot of momey,so I major in Computer Science and Information Engineer.In future,I will build software company that earn a lot of money .Possibility ,I become a rich man,I will help poor people and let our society become convenient.
B9202007
ReplyDelete我的文法不是很好,只是看到有些自已覺得不太順的,寫下自已覺得比較順的句子,給你做參考!!
Someday, I "found" "a" computer game's bug that is more powerful
I want to know computer how to work. --> I want to know how the computer works.
finally, I succeed it , it應該是不用了
operate software-->operating system
I interesting computer -->I am interested in
Bill Gates who is the richest man in the world,he build Microsoft's kingdom ---> Bill gates, the richest man in the world, build Microsoft's kingdom.
He craet WINDOW ---? He create WINDOW
let computer easy operate-->let computer easier to operate
I want to be like bill Gates earn
一開始有把你文章的架構寫出來,讓閱讀者更容易抓到你要表達的重點,這個我覺得滿棒的.
ReplyDelete文法問題前面的William同學有幫你看一下,我文法也不太好,不過我也覺得
I interesting computer 可以修改成I am interested in 這樣會較好,其它有些拼字有些問題,雖然不明顯還是建議你修一下role palying game要把palying修正成playing, He craet WINDO的creat修正成create, bill Gates earn a lot of momey的momet修成money,這些輸入錯誤上的小問題可以修一下